This just in from the Wall Street Journal…and Glamour magazine…

Take out the trash, don’t forget your doctor’s appointment, do you HAVE to strip off all of your clothes as soon as you come through the door and leave a trail through the house of dirty socks. Sound familiar? It does to many, unfortunately. And now an article published in the “Wall Street Journal” says that nagging is more pervasive than cheating and just as damaging. The article states:

“Nagging — the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and
both become increasingly annoyed — is an issue every couple will grapple with at some point. While the word itself can provoke chuckles and eye-rolling, the dynamic can potentially be as dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances. Experts say it is exactly the type of toxic communication that can eventually sink a relationship.”

Citing a study by researcher, professor and co-founder of the Center for Marital and Family Studies Dr. Howard Markham, the
author points out that wives aren’t the only ones to do the nagging; however, it also says that women are more likely to be the provokers mainly due to the fact that, in most cases, they run the households.

But the facts are facts. Dr. Markham found “that couples who became unhappy five years into their marriage had a roughly 20
percent increase in negative communication patterns consistent with nagging, and a 12 percent decrease in positive communication. ‘Nagging is an enemy of love, if allowed to persist,’ Dr. Markman says.”

Luckily, it’s not all bad news: It is possible to work on communication patterns that are more productive. According
to the WSJ, “The first step in curbing the nagging cycle, experts say, is to admit that you are stuck in a bad pattern. You are fighting about fighting. You need to work to understand what makes the other person tick.”

If you are still with me at this point you are wondering how this applies to work. It isn’t too much of a stretch to see nagging at work. In fact, you probably see it all the time. You might even do it. THE KEY THING MENTIONED ABOVE IS BEING IN A STUCK PATTERN.

We do a two-day training session on Crucial Conversations (based on the book by the same name and a great read) and that issue of being stuck, of having that “havent we talked about this before” feeling means you are not communicating well. Clearly something is wrong. Marriage is a relationship, so is leadership.

Stop nagging and start communicating.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 27th, 2012 at 9:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.